I was contacted recently by Melissa Howard, creator of www.StopSuicide.info  Her request was simple...would I share one of her blogs regarding suicide prevention.  This was a no-brainer for me as my closest friend ended her life in October 2016.  Her decision to end her life was the consequence of living with depression and anxiety for most of her adult life.  She had reached out many times in the past and the combination of healthcare professionals, spiritual mentors and friends always managed to help her climb out of the darkness...until it didn't.  So many of us continue to wonder if there was something we missed and could have done to prevent her ending her life.  Perhaps there was...perhaps there wasn't.  But if the following helps others to help loved ones who are suffering, then I share this article by guest blogger, Melissa Howard as a sacred offering.  Be well and know you are loved.

The Power of Listening: Recognizing and Responding to the Signs of Suicide
Suicide is a fact of life, a sad reality borne out by the annual suicide rate. In Canada, 11.3 per 100,000 people take their own lives, according to Statistics Canada, the central statistics source for the Canadian government. Approximately 60 percent of those deaths can be attributed to factors like mental illness and substance abuse. While it’s often not known what motivates people to take their own life, there are a number of warning signs. Learning to recognize these indicators and accepting that someone you know is capable of suicide are vital first steps in getting help. Yet many people are reluctant to get involved for fear that they’ll misinterpret the signs.
People struggling with drug addiction are at particular risk for suicide because they are prone to impulsive behavior. But help can come from many sources, including therapists, clergy, or health care providers. Intervention is often challenging, and those who intervene may be met with resistance or even anger, but the consequences of inaction can be catastrophic. The best approach is usually the direct one. Showing people you care might deter them from following through on their inclination by encouraging a dialogue and giving them an opportunity to open up.
The signs
Those who are suicidal exhibit changes in behavior. These may take different forms, but in general you’ll notice a tendency toward listlessness, a withdrawn, emotionally hollow demeanor. You may note a tendency to focus on death and dying, an overall attitude of hopelessness, an exhibition of self-destructive behavior, or an increased use of drugs or alcohol. If one or more of these signs is present, try to take a compassionate, understanding position and avoid lecturing or making them feel guilty. Try to be reassuring and acknowledge their thoughts and emotions. It’s often helpful to begin a conversation by saying something like, “I’m here to help; you’re not alone,” or “What can I do to help you right now?”
People sometimes say they “feel like dying,” or “I want to kill myself.” These are usually offhand expressions meant to communicate nothing more serious than anger or frustration. Or they may say there’s no reason to live, that they don’t want to be a burden, or they feel like there’s no other alternative. These are all very legitimate warning signs that should be taken very seriously.
Associated emotional states aren’t limited to depression and anxiety. Many fail to realize that emotional symptoms such as irritability or rage can be symptomatic of suicidal thoughts. Indeed, anger is often an indication that something is seriously wrong with an individual who’s usually of a temperate disposition. An individual may exhibit self-destructive behavior, actively seeking harm through irrational physical acts, including anything from drunk driving to unprotected sex.
What should you do?
It’s a desperate feeling, not knowing what to do or how to act around someone who’s threatening suicide. Many people feel uncomfortable or intimidated, not realizing how helpful just listening can be. But just allowing someone to share pent-up feelings can be powerfully therapeutic. Allow your friend or family member to vent emotions without passing judgment. Show patience, remain calm, and accept the validity of your friend’s feelings. Ask straightforward questions. If you’re worried your friend is considering suicide, ask him or her. Bear in mind that your tone and actions are very important. Communicate as you always have. In other words, be yourself.
A descent into suicidal thoughts can be an insidious process, and its symptoms are often easy to dismiss or overlook. The most important thing is to listen and convey that you care and are concerned. Many who act out in desperation do so because they believe no one understands or cares.
Courtesy of Pixabay
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One of the incredible books I'm reading right now talks about the nature of silence and its relationship with power.  The specific example refers to ‘rape culture’ and how “The power of the harasser, the abuser, the rapist depends above all on the silence of women”1.  This description can be expanded to include any individual or entity that holds power (at least based on the prevailing cultural definition of ‘power’) and how the continuation of that power entirely depends on the fear and silence of those they deem to hold power over.  However, when being silent is a mindful and personal choice that is not motivated by fear or is not a consequence of being bullied, this can create a real sense of empowerment.  Choosing silence can help us to more effectively hear what is really being said (both what we’re hearing with our own ears and what is being expressed ‘between the lines’).  Choosing silence can help us to more effectively detect potential dangers – but it can also help us to deeply connect with that which fulfills us and cultivates joy.  Choosing silence can help us to better determine how to respond to a given situation, rather than reacting in a ‘knee-jerk’ sort of way.

When we engage with social media, we can choose to be silent or we can choose to speak up.  Like many, I have a mixed relationship with social media.  On one hand, I cringe when it is used to perpetuate bullying or power over anyone...and yet sometimes I bless it for the amazing stories and/or moments that are shared.  Both of these uses have a relationship with power; the first - power over; the second – empowerment of self and others.  I know of many who have deleted their Facebook accounts because of the negative experiences they have had (and believe me, I have considered this a few times myself) but I sometimes wonder if it isn't a case of "throwing the baby out with the bath water"...especially after having read so many heart-warming, heart-breaking and often inspiring 'shares' over the holidays.  Used wisely, social media can be a means of uplifting ourselves and others; it can also be an effective way of alerting a community of souls of real danger (like a ‘storm watch’) so they can be better prepared to ‘weather the storm’.

Choosing to be silent or choosing to speak – both of these are functions of ‘freedom of speech’…something that is rightly touted as a basic civil right (but is sometimes, sadly, abused). We have the right and are empowered to use social media (or any form of media) to share experiences, to sound alarm bells or to shine a light on the proverbial elephant in the middle of the room and, perhaps, induce a ‘wake-up call’ for necessary social change.  We also have the power to choose to engage with social media or not…or at least how often and what kind of media we will engage with.  We have the right to choose silence rather than be forced into silence as a means of perpetuating the imbalance of power.   Today I felt compelled to speak; tomorrow I may choose silence.  However, I will never allow myself to be silenced by bullies. 

“Injustice and corruption will never be transformed by keeping them hidden, but only by bringing them out into the light and confronting them with the power of love.”  (Martin Luther King, Jr).

Resources
1.  "Cunt: A Declaration of Independence" by Inga Muscio

I am a self-professed ‘read-aholic’.  I possibly have about 20 books on the go at the present moment whose topics vary from strange fiction, self-help, mind-body wisdom and Goddess spirituality. One of the books I’m currently devouring is Gabor Mate’s “When The Body Says No”.   This book is essential reading for anyone who has ever experienced a ‘mysterious’ illness or supported someone else who ‘suddenly’ fell ill.  It is also an essential resource for anyone who feels passionate about healing self, others and the world at large. 

I was inspired to write about this book today not only because of Gabor’s succinct description and definition of stress and its effect on the body but, perhaps most especially, because of his statements on the inconsistencies in medical research and contradictory opinions about what the findings mean.  Even more specifically, it is his chapter on the multiple factors involved in the origins of breast cancer that had me run to my computer to document my thoughts.

Cancer is one of the primary illnesses experienced by humans (and some non-humans as well) around the world…and especially in cultures of affluence.  This insidious disease has grown exponentially around the world (as it does in our own bodies) in spite of the millions of dollars pumped into the cancer research industry.  Even more insidious is the seemingly purposeful spreading of misinformation regarding the origins and successful treatment of cancer that has so many people supporting fund-raising efforts that, although administered at the ground-level by very well-meaning and compassionate individuals, largely finance reactive fighting of disease rather than supporting the body’s innate abilities to prevent, sustain and reclaim health.

I’m often perceived as a pariah when I make these statements.  I’ve come to terms with that because I’d rather be one of the many individuals who are pointing upstream at the source of the problem, rather than one of the scores of individuals who are spending precious energy sticking their fingers in the almost infinite cracks in the eroding dam downstream.  Yes, sometimes it feels a lot like being in a nightmare where I am the only one who see’s imminent danger and is shouting out to people to ‘LOOK OUT!’ only to have them turn away, incapable of hearing or recognizing the imminent disaster.

The Western medical research industry receives and then spends millions of dollars cooking up new toxic cocktails that will kill off cancer cells for good while paradoxically also killing off many, if not all, of the ‘natural killer’ (NK) cells that our bodies create and that are designed to attack and destroy malignant cell growth in our bodies.   This same research industry perpetuates the myth that chronic stress and our emotional reactions to it do not play an important role in the creation of cancer but that hormones and genetics are the most critical factors.  The reason why statements such as these are so insidious is because they are partially true…but mostly false.  They are insidious because the general public hands over its power to perceived authorities in lieu of conducting its own research and developing its own understanding (and to be fair, many of us are not research scientists or have easy access to information that would allow us to make informed decisions). There is enough partial truth to the information that the masses, who are not well-versed in how their own bodies actually function, accept what they are told wholesale. 

So, what does Gabor Mate say that inspires me to reach out to the cultural tribe?  Based on research and on his own experience with the patients he sees, “Breast cancer patients often report that their doctors do no express an active interest in them as individuals or in the social and emotional context in which they live.  The assumption is that these factors have no significant role in either the origins or the treatment of disease.”1   When asked about whether stress plays an important role in the onset of cancer, a Toronto doctor who had led a study of almost 400 women with a history of breast cancer – a study that cited 42% of the participants listed stress as causing the malignancy – stated “People think stress causes everything.  The evidence for stress is pretty low.  And the evidence for hormones and genetics is pretty high”2 

This is one example of a partially true but mostly false statement being made by an individual in a position of authority and in whom patients place their trust.  The partially true part of the statement is that hormones play an integral role in our physical, emotional and mental well-being.  This is undisputed and there are scores of studies that support this statement.  However, the mostly false part of her statement is that evidence for genetics is high…this is simply NOT TRUE.

Dr Mate reports that “a rich body of evidence, drawn from animal studies and human experience, supports…that emotional stress is a major contributing cause of breast malignancy” and that “only a small minority of women with breast cancer – about 7% - acquire the disease for genetic reasons.”3 He continues that even of this 7% who are ‘genetically predisposed’ to acquire cancer, “far from everyone with one of the three genes known to be associated with breast cancer will actually develop a malignant tumour.  In the majority of women or men diagnosed with breast cancer, heredity makes little or not contribution.”4

So, at one end of the Toronto doctor’s statement, there is truth…and at the other end, misinformation.   These causes the general populace to be confused and since we tend to hand our power over to perceived authorities, we buy into the medical model that insists that we can’t avoid cancer and the best solution is toxic cocktail intervention…which only puts more stress on the body and destroys the innate processes that are designed to keep us healthy.

Hormones are chemicals that are released or inhibited by the body and are often triggered by emotions (which are also chemical reactions) that arise from the experiences we have in our lives.  When those experiences are ‘stressful’, the ‘stress response’ or ‘fight-or-flight response’ gets triggered in the body and causes a number of chemical and physiological changes to occur.  The release of stress hormones, in reasonable amounts, prepares our body to ‘fight or flee’; however, if we experience unresolved stress or chronic stress and the hormonal/chemical changes continue, they can wreak havoc on our physical, emotional and mental well-being.  For example, some of these chemical reactions, if left unmitigated, promote tumour growth and the development of cancer because they decrease the immune system’s ability to destroy malignant cells.

Dr Mate describes the interconnected relationship between our hormonal system, our mind and our emotions:

“The body’s hormonal system is inextricably linked with the brain centres where emotions are experienced and interpreted.”  The hormonal system and emotional centres “are interconnected with the immune system and the nervous system.  These are not four separate systems, but one super-system.  It is impossible for any stressful stimulus…to act on only one part of [this] super-system.”5

He summarizes that “in most cases of breast cancer, the stresses are hidden and chronic.  They stem from childhood experiences, early emotional programming and unconscious psychological coping styles.  They accumulate over a lifetime to make someone susceptible to disease.”6   The direct effects of our emotional experiences on our health have been documented many times over the past 60 years; however, the medical industry that dictates how we address illness continues to dispute this by treating our bodies separately from our minds and emotions.

At this point, I think it would be helpful to clarify that there are different types of stress and that some stress is good for an organism.  Periodic stress is a natural part of the natural world; however, unmitigated and chronic stress (although very common) is not natural.  Stress makes itself visible not only in our emotional reaction to stressors but physically in our bodies as well by affecting “the brain, the hormones, the immune system and many other organs”7

Generally speaking, stress occurs “when the organism perceives a threat to its existence or well-being”8 whether that threat is real or not.   The physiological changes that occur in our bodies when we perceive these threats to our physical, emotional or mental well-being are called the ‘stress response’.  “The stress response can be set off by physical damage, either by infection or injury.  It can also be triggered by emotional trauma or just by the threat of such trauma, even if purely imaginary…[and] outside conscious awareness.”9

The events, things or people that trigger the stress response are called stressors.  Our nervous system, and particularly our brain, first experiences and then interprets the stressors based on what is happening in the present moment as well as based on past experiences.  For example, if you had been bitten by a dog as a child, quite possibly you would become afraid of all dogs, regardless of their desire to bite you or not.  The approach of a dog on the street, even a friendly one, might be perceived as a stressor that your nervous system would interpret as a threat to your physical well-being and would then trigger the stress response in your body.  If you had not experienced being bitten by a dog but, rather, had a wonderful dog in your life as a child, you would react to the approach of a friendly dog very differently.

The stress response increases production of certain hormones that are essentially chemicals.  The primary stress-produced hormone/chemical is called ‘cortisol’ which affects almost every part of our body.  Produced in reasonable amounts, cortisol can help us to manage acute stress (one-time stress events that are resolved within a reasonable period of time and are not repetitive vs. repetitive and unresolved stress or chronic stress).  However, too much cortisol production can have serious repercussions, such as excessive thinning of bone tissue.   Chronic stress triggers other reactions in our bodies that, unresolved, can and do produce harm and permanent damage.  For example, if the hormone cortisol is repeatedly running through our body systems, it can destroy tissues and it is tissues that make up all of our organs and body systems.  If the hormone adrenalin (also produced by the stress response) is constantly pouring through our body, it can raise blood pressure to dangerous levels that can damage the heart.  Chronic stress also severely limits or impairs immune system functioning to the point where the ‘natural killer’ cells (NK) that are designed to target and destroy malignant cells in the body are suppressed and so cannot perform this function properly.  The higher levels of cortisol produced during the stress response also inhibit the function of inflammatory cells involved in tissue healing.  One of the glands involved in stress management, the hypothalamus, is intimately linked with the parts of our brain that process emotions.  And because emotions have a “direct effect on the immune system and on other organs…stress affects and involves virtually every tissue in the body”.10 

The stress reaction essentially looks like this: we perceive a physical, emotional or mental threat (real or imagined).  The stress response, often called the ‘fight or flight response’ kicks in and our body diverts blood away from the internal organs to the muscles of the body (to help us to either fight or flee).  The body also stores energy through sugar molecules and activates the immune system.  In acute stress (one-time situations), the body is able to manage these changes within safe limits, especially after the stress event is over and the ‘relaxation response’ is allowed to take over.

While there are many different perceptions of what is a threat to well-being, “research…has identified three factors that universally lead to stress:  uncertainty, the lack of information and the loss of control”11   In our ‘information abundant world’ this could be more specifically described as the lack of truthful and/or empowering information.  Consider the world we live in: where global warming is manifested in sudden and forceful changes in weather patterns; where over-consumption of natural resources has put access to food and water at risk for many parts of the world already and promises to impact all of us in the forseeable future; and where familiar illnesses as well as new and more aggressive viruses continue to plague us.  Although there is much beauty in the world and the future has yet to arrive, it is not unreasonable to say that we currently live in a time of incredible uncertainty and perceived loss of control.  Instead of experiencing occasional bouts of acute stress, most organisms on this planet are being exposed to chronic stress.

So, why wouldn’t we just do what we need to do to either eliminate stressors or change our perception of them, if doing so could dramatically heal us from wounds and illness or prevent us from experiencing stress-related illness in the first place?  Gabor states (and I whole-heartedly agree with him based on my own personal experience) that we are so out of touch with our gut feelings, we have become so disconnected from the messages of our bodies that we no longer can recognize when a stressor exists, let alone when it has become chronic.  For many humans, this disconnection (which is innate at birth and in our early years) is conditioned out of us by parents who are too triggered by their child’s expressions of emotional discomfort  because it jabs at the unhealed emotional wounds the parents have tried to bury within themselves).  These same well-meaning adults either shame or reject such natural expressions by children who then learn to suppress feeling and expressing their emotions as they grow to become adults.  When we become so disconnected from our natural emotions, we cannot identify when those emotions kick-start physiological changes within our bodies.  This, in turn, impairs our ability to identify stressors (or ‘threats to well-being’) and impairs our ability to “defeat the perceived threat or to avoid it”).12

Dr. Mate states that the majority of the people he sees with cancer “have difficulty saying no…[and] tend to repress their anger”13   He notes that individuals with lung cancer tend to bottle up their emotions but smokers who are in touch with their emotions and especially allow themselves to feel and express anger are less likely to contract lung cancer.  Time and again, he notes the connection between our thoughts, emotions and physical well-being and that “when we have been prevented from learning how to say no…our bodies may end up saying it for us.”14  

This statement is supported by evidence from research in the area of psychoneuroimmunology that has determined “that an intimate relationship exists between the brain and the immune system…an individual’s emotional makeup, and the response to continued stress, may indeed be causative in many diseases that medicine treats but whose [origin] is not yet known”.15    He underscores the cultural malaise when he states:  “Many of us live, if not alone, then in emotionally inadequate relationships that do not recognize or honour our deepest needs”16 and the emotions that are triggered but repressed disable the body’s defenses against disease. 

Alarmingly many humans, so used to feeling stress as the ‘normal state of affairs’, do not perceive nor understand the consequences of unmitigated stress.  Mate describes chronic stress as “the activation of the stress [response] over long periods of time when a person [or any part of nature] is exposed to stressors that can’t be escaped either because [we] do not recognize them or because [we] have no control over them.”17   This disconnection is not only the outcome of childhood conditioning.  In the current digital age we are being distracted from a centered sense of self and from each other to the point where we are unable to acknowledge what is taking place in the here and now.   This phenomenon is addressed in another must read titled “Mind Change: How Digital Technologies Are Leaving Their Mark on our Brains” by Susan Greenfield. 

In this alarming and very necessary book, Susan describes the effects that the average consumption (by youth) of 11 hours a day of entertainment media has on our brain, our bodies and our relationships.  Quoting scores of studies on the effect of excessive use of digital technology on humans, Susan warns that the addictive nature of digital technology and its perpetuation of narcissistic behavior and attitudes is not only changing how our minds function (for the mind adapts to its changing environment) but is also (especially in the realm of online gaming) changing how we relate to ourselves and others, encouraging aggressive behavior and lack of empathy.  

This disturbing lack of awareness of the impact of our actions on ourselves and others makes it less likely that we’re going to be able to recognize the effects of stress on our bodies because stress and it’s corresponding feelings of heightened anxiety will feel ‘normal’ and not be cause for alarm.  In fact, people who are used to experiencing stress since early childhood find it alarming when they are not experiencing something stressful.  It is “the absence of stress that creates unease, evoking boredom and a sense of meaninglessness.  People may become addicted to their own stress hormones, adrenaline and cortisol [which are produced in droves when individuals are playing video or online games]…[so much so that] stress feels desirable, while the absence of it feels like something to be avoided.”18

So, where do we go from here?  As dire as the story sounds, we have the personal power to cultivate both an inner and external environment that is less stressful.  We have the wisdom and courage to say no to the things that do not support us in living fulfilling lives.  We have the right to choose how we will spend our precious moments on this beautiful planet. For example, we can make choices based on motivations that have to do with supporting our health rather than fearing rejection or death.  We can decrease the number of hours we spend in front of our TV’s or online where we are fed a diet of life-disturbing images and information.  We can spend more time moving our bodies authentically and in nature.  We can reflect on what we are grateful for each day.  And we can recommit to carving out lives that sustain all living creatures and the planet itself…one that values the natural cycles of life rather than rewarding actions that cause harm or unnatural death.

We have the incredible temple of our very own bodies to guide us back to health and sustain us.  In fact, the wisest physician and the greatest magician is our very own body.  It is designed for survival and as a sentient and complex organism, it has many checks and balances in place to make survival most likely.  Contrary to the dictates of western medical model, no amount of drugs will effectively cure an ailment if we do not address the underlying causes and make long-lasting changes in the choices we make in our lives.  There is no magic bullet…but there is magic and mystery.  And if we have the courage to dive deeply into the turbulent waters of our psyches and take the time to learn more about the vehicle that carries us through life, we can identify these underlying causes and create real, life-long change for health and wellness.


1 “When The Body Says No: The Costs of Hidden Stress”, Gabor Mate. Pg 59
2 Ibid, pg 60
3 Ibid, pg 60
4 Ibid, pg 60
5 Ibid, pg 61
6 Ibid, pg 61
7 Ibid, pg 28
8 Ibid, pg 28
9 Ibid, pg 29
10 Ibid, pg 32-33
11 Ibid, pg 34
12 Ibid, pg 38
13 Ibid, pg 79
14 Ibid, pg 3
15 Ibid, pg 5
16 Ibid, pg 7
17 Ibid, pg 35
18 Ibid, pg 28

I’m often met with the rolling of eyes and accusations that I’m not only a nay-sayer but a ‘fearmonger’ when I dare to speak of the consequences of humanity’s daily actions.  The term ‘fear-mongering’ is a popular one in our culture and, when applied to the right circumstances, is an appropriate label.  However, as is often the case, it is too often applied to people who have the courage to point out that the 'emperor has no clothes'.



There are many variations on the definition of fearmonger, some of which are as follows: 

• a person who creates or spreads alarming news
• one inclined to raise or excite alarms especially needlessly
• one who spreads the idealogy of fear through propaganda to fulfill a concealed agenda

The first definition is generic enough that it could apply to someone who runs through a burning building yelling FIRE! in an attempt to save the inhabitants.  The second definition comes closer to the truth with the word ‘needlessly’.  But it is the third definition that, in my opinion, hits the proverbial nail on the head with its use of ‘propaganda’ and ‘concealed agenda’.

Most citizens will agree that much of what is fed to us through the portals of the media (be it on television, radio, in print or on the internet) falls under all of the definitions above.  However, those few citizens who are aware of the ‘little man behind the curtain’ understand that the ‘NEWS’ we are bombarded with on a daily basis is best described by the third definition above.  And so, over the years, I've arrived at my own personal definition of NEWS:  "Nothing Even Worth Saying".

The repeated reporting about individuals of whom we are told to be frightened, of groups we are told to see as ‘other’ and of nations we are told to describe as ‘terrorists’ is purposeful and has many dire consequences.  In some cases, the primary characters in a fearmongering story are grouped together to present a homongenous picture of that which we should fear.  And since the edges around such a picture are blurred, the recipients of this information seldom have a clear image or understanding of what should be feared.  This is dangerous because it causes the fearful image to bleed or expand into larger territories in our minds.  And in doing so, causes the average citizen to fear other average citizens…making everyone and everything appear to be something to be feared and, therefore, needing to be controlled by the 'authorities'.

This type of fearmongering is essentially the age-old tactic of ‘divide and conquer’ and is especially effective in a psychological parent-child relationship…the very type of relationship that describes how humans tend to relate to perceived authority in our world.  These perceived authorities may be in the form of government, armed forces, the medical industry, religious leaders, and corporations, to name a few.  And there are countless and daily examples of how each of these perceived authorities use fearmongering to influence people into taking certain actions or thinking in certain ways.  

Government leaders often incite division between citizens of the world by calling individuals from other countries (or an entire nation) ‘terrorists’.  Armed forces consciously and unconsciously support fearmongering by acting on their government’s viral and vicious dictates and engaging in warfare (be it in your local community or around the globe).  I say both ‘consciously’ and ‘unconsciously’ because at the highest levels of ‘authority’ in our armed forces, individuals know that they are participating in fearmongering; however, the majority of individuals who are actually engaged in the ‘doing’ (usually at ‘ground level’) have been duped into actually believing that the work they are doing is honourable and in the best interest of the citizens of the nation.  The sad truth is that such actions only benefit the self-interests of a very small percentage of the global population.

I have lost count of the number of directives from the medical industry that teach us to fear everything natural, from the effects of the sun to the healing properties of food, plants and herbs.  We are told that chronic illness is not only our heritage but our unavoidable future BUT that we can be ‘saved’ by ingesting toxic pharmaceuticals (that inevitably do more harm that good in many cases).  Again, in the case of illness fearmongering, a small percentage of global citizens benefit from the majority’s buying into the propaganda.

Some leaders of world religions continue to control the masses through not only age-old (yet hardly unique) creation myths but also via dire warnings of the hell-fire and brimstone reaction of an invisible, dictatorial and petulant god in the sky.  These same religious leaders convince citizens that we are not allowed to decide how to live our own lives because we can’t be trusted to make good decisions (which is, ironically, a projection of the harmful dictates and actions perpetuated by these same religious organizations). 

Corporations spend billions of dollars on advertising to create a desire for something new or to influence people to continue to engage in their addiction of consumption.  These same corporations spend even more billions to lobby governments to pass legislation that exempts these same corporations from having to abide by environmental regulations or fiscal responsibilities that are reasonably applied to all other organizations or citizens in general.

I know that some may call my very own words and attempt at fearmongering.  However, unlike the spreading of fearful propaganda whose primary purpose is to benefit a small percentage of the global population, my sharing is a passionate request to the general populace to wake up to what is really happening, right under our very noses, so that all living beings and the Earth herself can benefit from such an awakening…a far cry from self-interest.  This is an urgent call to tend to our individual and collective gardens so that we may continue to reap a harvest that nourishes all of us. 

Most people would agree that if you are not attentive to the needs of your vehicle, if you do not regularly maintain it or provide it with the unique nourishment it needs, eventually it will stop working.  (I recognize the irony in my example of a car that uses fossil fuels but it tends to be an effective way of helping people to understand the need for discernment and action.)  The same is true of our own bodies and yet, even more ironically, the general populace doesn’t behave in ways that demonstrate this obvious parallel.  The mass of humanity appears to be willfully ignorant of the impact of our choices on our own health and wellbeing.  And yet, when we look at the state of our world (environmentally, socially, economically and politically), there can be no doubt that our collective actions over hundreds, if not thousands, of years are harvesting harmful consequences for us as individuals, as a species and for all living things.

And this leads me to perhaps the most insidious motivation behind the fearmongering perpetuated by individuals in positions of local and global power.  The daily content of newscasts supporting the repeated claims by these authorities of what constitutes ‘terror’ distracts us from what we should aware of, what we should be practicing discernment about and the actions we should be taking.   Like the Wizard of Oz, these ‘authorities’ create terrifying myths that prevent us from clearly seeing what is actually behind the curtain.  In a telling online article by Molly Bloom (“Anthropogenic Climate Disruption and its Moral Challenges”), she describes this scenario aptly:  “…our corporate controlled media keeps us in the dark…because the real news might decrease sales and profits.  This censoring creates another self-reinforcing feedback loop:  if we don’t’ know the extent of our peril, we won’t change our behavior to avert it.  Nor will we prepare ourselves psychologically and spiritually to meet the enormous challenges ahead.”

In yet another example of synchronicity, I recently finished reading an engaging book called “The Best Laid Plans” by Terry Fallis, formal Liberal party strategist and now author.  Let me begin by clarifying that although I thoroughly enjoyed the book, I am not a supporter of the Liberal party or of the Canadian political system overall.  However, I was validated by much of how Terry describes the fetid landscape of Canadian politics and inspired by the integrity and forthrightness of the character of Angus McLintock.  I found myself fantasizing about the possibility of many individuals like Angus actually managing to find their way into the political machine, and more importantly, not getting lost in that journey…but I digress.  

There were many descriptions of political characters and the broken processes of politics that stuck with me but his spotlighting of the harmful malaise of Canadian society regarding our collective responsibility for social welfare spoke most loudly.  Through the loveable character of Angus, Fallis describes the “not in my backyard syndrome [that is] a common enough malady in Canadian society, bred through the arrogance and apathy of affluence.”.  The division of ‘have’ and ‘have not’ in our culture (and around the world) has culminated in the belief that as tax-paying citizens we are entitled to shield ourselves from the negative consequences of our attitudes and actions of affluence.  We have been so duped by the effects of ‘divide and conquer’ we are now blind to the harm they cause, individually and collectively.  

Another telling description of the character of our nation comes later in the novel when an angry Angus despairs over the ‘flip-flop’ actions of the Conservative party that are completely contrary to their election promises.  He asks “Whas it not the height of arrogance?  Was it not opportunism at its zenith?  They’re preying on Canadians who can no longer distinguish the blurred lines between self-interest and the national interest”.  To paraphrase:  we appear to have lost the ability to discern between selfish interests and what’s in the best interest of all living creatures.  And this is not unique to Canadians…this is a global failing.

Our need to reconnect with each other, to stop seeing each other as ‘other’ is critical to our continued survival on this planet…or at the very least to living our final days in compassionate connection, rather than aggressive or apathetic disconnection.  I won’t pretend to know when the end is scheduled to happen but I also refuse to stick my head in the proverbial sand and insist on believing that we can continue to live in the ways that we do without negative and long-term consequences.  The natural world responds to our actions and all actions have consequences.  Depicting these consequences as a form of punishment is misleading…but very tempting when I think of the level of arrogance and self-interest that is the primary cause of these consequences.

In her online article, Molly Brown calls us to recognize that “we have collectively gotten ourselves into this mess, so we need to work together to transform it…to choose the story to which we want to dedicate ourselves”.  And so we’re being called to choose what version of reality and what type of future we want to co-create…is it the time-worn and faulty ‘divide and conquer’ mentality of a domination system or one of partnership which “involves the emergence of new and creative human responses that enable the transition from the Industrial Growth Society [a society that urges us to blindly accept there is little need to change the way we live] to a Life Sustaining Society”?   

The painful emotions that all of us feel (and many of us are taught to suppress) are critical to our acceptance of what is happening in and on the world around us.  Molly Bloom and many other wise women and men are inviting us to “reframe our grief, anger, fear and even numbness as healthy responses to a world in torment” and the value of understanding that these emotions are a necessary form of feedback.  “Allowing ourselves to plumb the depths of our pain for the world in a supportive community puts us right in touch with the depth of our love, and the essential fact of our interconnectedness within the web of life.  The pain we experience is direct and irrefutable evidence that we are of Earth”.  We are not ‘other’...and we have the innate wisdom to discern and take appropriate action together to prepare for the future we have co-created.

The Great Turning, as Molly defines it, will be possible only if we allow ourselves to feel what we are truly feeling and to have the courage to look in those dark places, behind the curtain, in spite of our fears.  We are empowered only when we wake up from our cultural coma, challenge the status quo and co-create life-affirming alternatives.  This is not only our responsibility but, in fact, a moral imperative most powerfully expressed by Naomi Klein:

“…we will not win the battle for a stable climate by…arguing, for instance, that it is more cost-effective to invest in emission reduction now than disaster response later.  We will win by asserting that such calculations are morally monstrous, since they imply that there is an acceptable price for allowing entire countries to disappear, for leaving untold millions to die on parched land, for depriving today’s children of their right to live in a world teeming with the wonders and beauty of creation.” 

[For more information about Molly Brown and further resources, I highly encourage you to read her article “Anthropogenic Climate Disruption and its Moral Challenges”. ]

I’m reading Gloria Steinem’s “Outrageous Acts and Everyday Rebellions”, a compilation of her essays from the 1960’s through to the 1980’s (and with revisions from the 2nd edition of the book in the 1990’s).  One of the essays, “The Politics of Food” talks about the value that we place on females and on female work.  A telling nutrition study was conducted in the 1970’s, reporting that in India women deliberately deprived themselves of nutrition because they believed that the ‘earning members of the family’ (who at that time were mainly men) and any males who were ‘potential earning members’ were more valuable than those who did the domestic work and the work of child-rearing…because those pieces of work, those 24-7 actions of nurturing and care were considered devoid of economic value by both men and women in that culture.  Unfortunately, this is neither unique to India nor to the prevailing cultural beliefs of 40 years ago.  In 2015, there are still many families who believe that the men should be fed first because their work is somehow harder or more valued than the 24-7 activities a woman is engaged in if she is managing a household.

Why are we more willing to pay a farmer to grow food (which, in itself is an act of nurturing) that we then purchase and eat to nourish ourselves but we’re not willing to pay women to birth and nurture humans who may turn into farmers who continue the act of seeding, nurturing and harvesting? Or to create humans who may become any one of a variety of individuals who create beautiful works of art, astounding advances in technology, life-savings discoveries in science?  The crops that a farmer grows and then provides to other living creatures are not more or less valuable than other creations…although I would argue that without food, we would not live long enough, as a species, to be able to do the many wonderful things that we do (or the many horrific things as well).  However, all things, all creatures have equal value on this planet, each of them playing a unique role in the web of life.  The higher value placed on the actions and work of men underscores the double-standard and all pervasive and globally sanctioned devaluing of the ‘work of women’, or at least the work that women have been limited to doing, much of which is the miraculous birthing and nurturing of other human beings.

The double-standard is more deeply entrenched by the insistence of the importance of a woman’s choices during her pregnancy and as she mother’s her children and the contradictory and alarming lack of state-funded support for women during pregnancy and especially post-natally.  I have been guilty of believing and stating that much of an individual’s psychological issues stem from how they were or were not nurtured by their mother.  While it is unequivocally true that this initial relationship is critical to the well-being of a child, women are challenged to ‘be their best’ without adequate support systems and with the continued perpetration of the messages that females are less than males.    This is because the male-dominated cultures that exist in the world today have a vested interest in preserving the hierarchical structure whose foundation is comprised of non-white individuals and women of all races.  But a foundation based on the denigration of others lacks integrity and in time reveals its own degradation. 

Whether the metaphor is that of a degraded foundation or a diseased root system, the effects are the same. In her essay “Far From the Opposite Shore”, Gloria describes the root of the disease in male-supremacist cultures as “the sexual caste system…whether or not it developed as the chronologically first dominance model in prehistory, it is clear…that women’s freedom is most restricted in societies that are also devoted to keeping some race or class groups ‘pure’ by birth in order to perpetuate their power".  As such, she continues “all effective actions taken against [the sexual caste system] will contribute to society’s radical transformation.”

Focusing on the symptoms and ignoring the root causes has never healed anything.  Yes, symptoms tell us that something is amiss, and the state of the environmental, economic and cultural demise we are experiencing globally are symptoms...of the suppression and devaluing of the feminine and anything defined as 'natural'.  What if our dominant culture actually taught us to value the birthing of life, rather than the glorified taking of life that we see demonstrated to us in all types of media, in the unrestrained pillaging of the planet and in the industry of war?  What if we insisted that any propaganda that denigrates or demonizes women were given the same attention and restrictions that any hate literature against homosexuality, against other races and cultures is treated with today?   It could only lead to a respect for all living creatures and the planet Herself.

As a species, we devalue and try to control anything we perceive as ‘less than’ (whether that is a human, a thing or an activity).  In this day and age of 2015 there are still thousands, if not millions of people on the planet who believe that males have innate ownership over the members of their families (wife, children, and pets) and of the things that are accumulated within the context of the family (car, house, bank accounts, food, etc).  In fact many men treat their own vehicles with more care, attention and respect than they do the humans that share space in their households.

The premise that anyone can own another human being’s body, soul, mind is an ancient premise that is required to maintain power.  Gloria states it well (as she always does) in her essay “If Hitler Were Alive” that in the authoritarian preachings of right-wing fundamentalists ‘individuals are men…the family is their basic unit of security” and women are not considered an individual with the right to basic human rights.  “It’s as if a basic right of men is to dominate women” and by extension the families that are created by women.  She continues that the basic levels of authority “might argue about what level and kind of power will be considered supreme, whether it’s national, international, secular or religious…but they all agree that the patriarchal family is the basis and training ground for any authoritarianism”.

Now I am very happy to be able to say that my husband is more aware of power imbalances in relationships and between women and men than most of the men I dated in the years leading up to my marriage at the age of 48.  However, I was surprised one day at his strong reaction to my sharing of a portion of Khalil Gibran’s “The Prophet” in which the ‘prophet’ tells the villagers “Your children are not your children.  They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.  They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you…”  Although I personally contest the idea that children do not come ‘from you’ (any woman that has felt a child grow within her womb would argue that they most certainly do come from us), I agree with Gibran’s sentiments regarding the illusion of ownership of another human being – children, women and men alike. However, my husband insisted that he did indeed own his children since he helped to create them and they are dependent on him.  Although my husband almost always agrees with my feminist views on world issues and he most certainly is not the typical alpha male that insists on being the one in control in his ‘house’ so his reaction not only surprised me but was concerning as well, given it's a slippery slope to suppression of another.  However, what his reaction underscored was how deeply embedded in our psyches is the belief that humans should control Nature (or risk being controlled by Her) and, by extension, men should control women and children (or risk being controlled by them).  This brainwashing shows up in so many power structures and in many families around the planet. 

Another example of this brain-washing showed up recently when my 13-year old stepson (who I would describe as a very aware young male who often asks intelligent questions) asked us why the food services people in schools are always women.  I commended him on his great question and proceeded to explain that for hundreds of years (and especially since the industrial revolution), access to jobs that either pay well or are valued has been limited primarily to men and women, and non-whites in general, have been restricted to subservient roles…the most underpaid roles in our culture and, in the case of women who manage their households, not paid at all. 

I continued to describe the irony inherent in this: the very undervalued roles that nurture others are the ones that allow men to thrive so that they can go on to live empowered (and ‘power over’) lives.  In the midst of my explanation, my husband made a joke about the topic (he often uses humour when he perceives potential conflict or feels uncomfortable about a subject matter) and I explained that it was not okay for him to ridicule the subject matter because it is important.  What I didn’t say, but wish that I had, was that ridiculing the status of women and the issue of power imbalances is another patriarchal tactic that is so deeply ingrained in our psyches that it shows up even in people who are more aware than most. Ridiculing as an attempt to disempower another group (almost always because that group is feared) is common behaviour…but that doesn’t make it okay.  Just as it would not be okay for me to ridicule him or minimize an issue he felt strongly about, for example, the slow death of the Arts in our public schools in Canada while funding for Athletics, Math and Sciences continues to grow.

The controlling of women as the sacred portals through which the human species are birthed into this world is necessary for the sustaining of the dominant culture and is alarmingly increasing in North America.  This is a cultural backlash by the purveyors of the patriarchy who are only now taking the successes of the 2nd wave of feminism seriously.  The hierarchy of order and authority can only be maintained by controlling the masses and the best way to create the foundation for such a paradigm is to start with the most intimate realm of the family.  If women are not allowed to decide whether to have children or not, then the state and the industries of war can continue to have access to cannon fodder that ensures the maintenance of civil unrest and war around the planet…the consequence of which lines the pockets of the 1% of the population that holds 99% of the wealth.

From the reversing of laws that previously allowed for abortion or severely limiting the conditions in which a woman is allowed to abort; from the reduction or discontinuation of medical funding for contraception (in the face of increased funding for prescriptions such as Viagra; from the lack of federal government will-power to enact legislation that limits the damaging, polluting and pillaging of the planet (primarily because they are lobbied, non-stop, by self-interest groups and corporations whose primary focus is on accumulating wealth and power at the expense of the many), we are faced with many obstacles to turning this giant ship around. 

And so, when someone rolls their eyes at me that I’m making a mountain out of a molehill when I point out the power imbalances that still exist on this planet, when they tell me that women have equality (even though females are being murdered around the planet for trying to access education), when they tell me that aggression in men and submissiveness in women are inherent traits,  I remind myself why I feel compelled to do the work I do and to point at the elephant in the middle of the room.  At the end of the day, it’s about saving the one and only planet that we have to live on and increasing the quality of life for all creatures that are sustained by it.  

There is an important connection between the alarming number of people and, mostly women, who experience pelvic disorders ranging from issues with reproductive organs and the pelvic structure itself (especially, but not limited to, hip joint malfunction and S.I. dysfunction).

The pelvic structure needs to be both stable and flexible in women and men – but especially so in women given that their pelvic structures are shallower and broader than mens.  Add to this the fact that throughout a women’s life, hormone fluctuations create an increase in a particular hormone called Relaxin that makes the connective tissues around women’s joints much looser than normal.  When connective tissues around joints are compromised, when they are weakened or over-stretched, the muscles that surround that joint and that connect with those tissues need to be even stronger to provide the compromised stability.  Unfortunately, in the case of the average woman, the muscles around the pelvis, over the course of a lifetime, tend to get weaker, especially in the culture that we live in today which is, by and large, quite sedentary.  An additional challenge is the Western acceptance of yoga and the exaggerated focus on increasing flexibility and range of motion.  This is helpful for men (whose pelvic structures and joints in general tend to be tighter) but only serves to make women less physically stable.

Part of this weakening can be attributed to life-style choices and, for some women, life-style expectations and demands.  Birthing multiple babies creates a repeated physical trauma for the pelvis and a consistent and constant loosening of the stabilizing connective tissues such that, if a woman even had the spare time to engage in physical activities that target the strengthening of the pelvis (and what new mom or mother of multiple young children has such time?) those muscles would have to be developed to an incredible extent to counteract the periodic instability.

But there is another deeper, and perhaps more insidious metaphysical obstacle for women when it comes to creating a sense of strength and stability in our pelvis – the centre of our personal power.  The pelvis, and more specifically, the womb is the physical and energetic source of all creation; however, not only the creation of little human beings but also, and equally important, the creation of our own lives.  And that metaphysical obstacle has to do with the fact that culturally (around the world in varying degrees) women do not have the last say(or in some cases even the first)  about how they want to use their own bodies or even experience their own bodies. In many cultures around the world women are not allowed to decide whether to have children or not and if they get pregnant, the decision to sustain that life, or not, is almost always out of the woman’s hands.  This underscores the alarming and ancient degradation of very necessary boundaries around a woman’s sensuality and sexuality and personal power overall.

This lack of empowerment translates to a weakening energetically and physically for the woman - in her place of power, which is demonstrated in the number of women annually who undergo hip replacement surgery and invasive reproductive organ interventions This is purposefully executed.  But as purposeful as it is, women still have the capacity, at some level, to claim their power and their rights as human beings.  However, depending, on the culture they live in, the claiming of their rights, and especially their reproductive rights (which, by the way men automatically have in tha they get to decide whether they are going to father children or not; men are allowed to ‘waste’ semen by masterbating rather than saving that life force to create another human being) have been severely limited for thousands of years and continue to be the focus of control for lawmakers and religious organizations.

It’s ironic then, that the Roman Catholic Church, one of the strongest critics of abortion, makes abortion a spiritual crime (and has convinced law-makers to make it a crime in the eyes of man-made law), and yet had no qualms about sending adult humans (yes, no longer a fetus, but definitely human) into engagements of war through the Middle Ages when they sent their ‘Soldiers of Christ’ out to war and continues to support through current global conflict either financially or by ‘silence is consent’.

Right wing fundamentalists, Christian or otherwise, often demonstrate the same conflicting behavior…demanding that a woman not be allowed to abort; that ‘life is sacred from conception to natural death’ and so must be honoured (and, by the way, I agree that life is sacred and should be honouerd) and yet these same individuals insist that we ‘support our troops’ as our governments send young women and men around the world to kill other humans or to be killed by them in the name of mythical terrors.  The soldiers that die in conflict have often only just begun their adult lives - many of them have young children of their own, or haven’t had the chance to begin the families that they so desire to have.  Just how is that an honouring of sacred life?

This paradox seems to never come up in conversations about abortion when lawmakers (and, ironically these lawmakers are mostly men) are making decisions about what women are allowed to do, or not to do, with their own bodies.  I love the quote by Gloria Steinem:  “If men could have babies, then abortion would be a sacrament.”  Okay, perhaps not (or maybe so) but at the very least, it would be sanctioned and funded (as much as the war machine is today).

The decision to end a life (whether it is the shortened life of a fetus or the life of a being who has been birthed) is not one to be taken lightly, nor is it for the feint of heart.  I have personally had to make such a decision – to end the life of one of my beloved pets when they were diagnosed with a kidney disorder that had him lose an incredible amount of weight and pass his days vomiting blood.  It was the right thing to do to help him in moving out of a place of suffering and pain and yet assisted suicide for humans is considered a crime in many cultures around the world.  The fact that it is called ‘assisted suicide’, rather than what it really is, which is an ‘assisted compassionate ending of suffering’, demonstrates that we have separated the value of humans from all other creatures on the planet, including the planet itself.

It is equally ironic that most fundamental Christians call suicide and assisted suicide an abomination in the eyes of God…and yet their very God perpetrated or delegated acts of violence (according to the Bible), seeming to have no trouble at all smiting anyone that disagreed with ‘his’ philosophy and spiritual laws.  And even more ironic is that the very individuals who understand and accept the ‘rightness’ of helping an animal to end it’s life when it is suffering, or to cut down a tree that is showing evidence of decay, do not extend the same rights to humans.  Ironically, it is the belief that humans are more ‘evolved’ than, ‘better’ than, ‘higher up’ on the ladder of evolution and hierarchy that causes these same individuals to think this way and yet one would think that if humans are ‘better’ than all other life-forms, why wouldn’t we extend the same kind of compassion to humans who are suffering? 

Whether one believes that all beings are equal or not, the pre-empting of suffering, for a plant, an animal, a fetus or a birthed human being, is a compassionate act.  If a fetus develops severe health issues that would compromise their quality of life, if a baby is going to be born into an environment that is either not safe for them or in which they would experience unreasonable neglect and suffering every day of their life, why would anyone allow that to happen?  Why is it not considered compassionate to pre-empt that life and allow that soul to enter the world through another portal that would drop them into a life where they would be honoured, nurtured and loved?  The argument that only God is allowed to make that decision is mis-direction.  In fact, for the millions who believe that God is within, then God is making that decision when a women is faced with doing so.

Women have always had ways of knowing that, when valued, helped to create optimal situations and life-experiences for themselves and those they chose to nurture.  They continue to have ways of understanding timing, through their natural monthly cycles and through the process of labour.  Women understand that loving oneself and others sometimes requires difficult actions that feel like sacrifices for the well-being of themselves and others.  And so, I invite you to imagine a world in which we actually value these ways of knowing, we honour healthy, personal and necessary boundaries, we cultivate the balance of stability and flexibility and we  nurture the personal empowerment of all living creatures.

The Healing Power of Play 


I made a conscious choice to read something inspiring this morning; something that would leave a positive residue on my mind, heart and soul, rather than some of the fiction I’ve been reading lately which leaves me feeling either angry or anxious or, sometimes if I’m really lucky, both at the same time!

I chose to continue reading “The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are” by Brene Brown.  Before I continue, if you haven’t read anything by Brene Brown, run, don’t walk, to your nearest bookstore and buy whatever they have of hers on their shelves.  She also has a website and a Facebook page that I highly encourage you to visit.

Today’s inspiration came from the chapter titled “Cultivating Play and Rest: Letting Go of Exhaustion as a Status Symbol and Productivity as Self-worth”.  

In 2005 I accepted a severance package from my 20-year stint in the financial industry (the last 10 years of which involved project and risk management) and switched gears to teach yoga and experience joy in my life.  Prior to that, joy was NOT a daily experience for me.  In fact, when I was in my early 30’s and was in the early states of discovering how I could move from daily depression to daily fulfillment, someone asked me what I was passionate about.  My mind drew a blank…I could not come up with a single thing…and that scared the hell out of me.  

Although I spent some time feeling even more depressed about not having an answer, a seed had been planted…the seed of desire to ‘know what I was passionate about’.   And I spent the next 15 years courageously exploring options.  It started by simply putting myself out there and literally asking “Can I play with you?”  I had been observing some of the women in my work group who appeared to be enjoying life.  They did not seem as anxious or defensive as me and were surrounded by friends who they spent time having fun with.  It took a lot of courage for me to step forward and ask if I could be a part of that because my harsh inner critic kept telling me that no one wanted to ‘play with me’ because I wasn’t any fun, I was too serious, too intense, too angry…etc.  The miracle of taking that first step was being accepted.

I joined a co-ed baseball team which helped me to meet more people who were also committed to adding fun to their daily working lives.  This led to playing volleyball with some of those folks and then becoming closer friends with a smaller group of women.  Over the years we created and explored ‘fun-time’ activities together, like camping, hiking, potluck dinners, candle parties (many of these), to name a few.  We made getting together just for the sheer enjoyment of doing so a priority in our lives.

During this time I was also actively exploring my ‘spiritual’ side and deeply committed to increasing my ‘self-awareness’ so that I could ‘own my stuff’.  Although these sound like clichés, they are critically necessary aspects of my life today and I continue my commitment to them.  This led me to practicing and then teaching yoga for a living…which then led to experiencing Yoga Dance.  

It was during my first foray into this modality that I had what I can only describe as a spiritual awakening regarding the importance of play for humans (as demonstrated to us EVERY DAY by children) and most especially for ‘adult’ humans who demonstrate how much we’ve forgotten about this very necessary aspect of living.  During my Yoga Dance training, I was given the opportunity to play every day for many hours over a 2-week period.  I was then instructed to take this out to the world in whatever way I could and encourage others to play.  Another week of training/playing and then I was certified to guide humans to express themselves authentically through what psychiatrist and researcher, Dr. Stuart Brown describes as ‘purposeless play’.  

Drawing on his research as the founder of the National Institute for Play, Dr. Brown has discovered that “play shapes our brain, helps us foster empathy, helps us navigate complex social groups, and is at the core of creativity and innovation.” (The Gifts of Imperfection, p. 100)  Dr. Brown continues to describe play as ‘purposeless’ and Brene Brown expands on this by explaining that “we play for the sake of play…we do it because it’s fun and we want to.” (The Gifts of Imperfection, p. 100)

This caught my attention and reminded me that over the past couple of years, I’ve lost my sense of play.  I’ve become so immersed in ‘adult’ responsibilities (that are very real and can be all-consuming), I’ve convinced myself that they are more important than engaging in play just because I want to; that playing is indulgent when there are so many other serious things that need to be done.  Brene’s next statement really hit home:  “In today’s culture – where our self worth is tied to our net worth, and we base our worthiness on our level of productivity – spending time doing purposeless activities is rare.  The idea of spending time doing anything unrelated to the to-do-list actually creates stress.  We convince ourselves that playing is a waste of precious time.” (Ibid, p. 100)

The final quote I’d like to share with you about play is once again from Dr. Stuart Brown:  “The opposite of play is not work – the opposite of play is depression.  True play that comes from our own inner needs and desires is the only path to finding lasting joy and satisfaction in our work.  In the long run, work does not work without play.” (Ibid, p. 101)

Thankfully, as a consequence of my desire to deepen self-awareness, I realized over the past year how little play I was engaging in and how re-committing to play was critical to my physical, emotional and mental well-being.  In spite of my inner critics’ warning that spending time on play would be self-indulgent and would take me away from the parenting duties I share with my husband in raising his kids and managing our shared household, I courageously stated to my husband that I needed to join a concert band again (something I had been involved with and loved doing for 10 years prior to our getting married).  Rehearsals are on a night that we have the kids with us (shared custody) and so there are inevitably kids activities and requests for taxiing around the city that he is now 100% responsible for on that night.  It has been challenging for him and he has commented that Tuesday nights are the most exhausting ones for him each week.  Although my heart reaches out to him and I feel some guilt about not being at home to help out, I remain committed to my personal well-being because I know that this commitment helps me to make more positive impacts on the family (rather than leaving that residue of anger and anxiety I spoke about earlier).  

In witnessing my husband’s frustration and exhaustion and purposefully not trying to fix that for him, I have given him the space to realize he, too, is worthy of experiencing play-time.  He recently stated that he deserved time to simply play, just like the rest of the family.  There was a moment when I felt anxious about defending my choices but then I put that aside and agreed with him, that yes, he does deserve that and what does he want to do about it?  He is now considering activity options that he can engage in on a weeknight when we don’t have the kids and his time is more his own to manage.

I know there is more that I can explore regarding play.  In fact, a few weeks ago, the very group of women I used to play baseball and volleyball with, to camp and hike with, to dine and laugh with participated in an outdoor ‘Treetop Adventure’ just because we wanted to.  It was a Sunday afternoon of laughing, physical challenges and some fear of falling thrown in for good measure.  Not only was this another great ‘playtime’ experience for me but it also helped me to quiet my inner critics’ constant blabbing about how I was too old for physically challenging activities.  In one afternoon, I have been reminded that I have both inner and outer strength and that I am so very worthy of spending time at ‘purposeless play’.  

In health, wellness and play,

Michele

When you see this symbol, what do you relate it to?  For many humans, this symbol is considered sacred and is associated with the physical organ of the heart, the emotional state of being of love, acts of compassion, and passion, and love relationships.

However, if you actually superimpose the above symbol over an image of the actual heart organ, they don't really jive.  In fact, I often thought it was a little strange that the sacred symbol above would be associated with the heart organ because they don't really physically resemble each other, unless you stretch your imagination.  In fact, Who Says they should?

The other day I was reviewing Suzi Hately Aldous’ text on sacro-iliac joints, and more specifically, an image of the pelvis.  As I gazed at that image, it hit me and I was astounded…if you superimpose an image of the sacred symbol of the heart over an image of the physical pelvis, they align almost perfectly!  What the what?!  Suzi writes: “Sacrum is derived from the word sacred.  It is short for the medieval Latin os sacrum (‘holy bone’)…”   

The source of life, the channel through which all souls arrive onto this planet, the womb itself, they are all sacred vessels and it is this most horribly maligned part of our anatomy that was and remains the ‘sacred heart of all being’.  Instead of being something that we should deny or exploit, this so very sacred part of us has always deserved to be honoured.  Instead of sacro-iliac joints, perhaps they should be referred to as sacred-iliac joints… (thank you Frances!) the joining points between the pelvis and the spine that connect this sacred part of us to every other part of us…including, of course, the heart.    

In a world where we are told to “Just Do It” and where success is measured by how far we can go, how fast we can move, how big we can create and how much we can do, we humans are challenged when it comes to recognizing our own suffering and the suffering of others.  Without this personal and then transpersonal acknowledgement, we lack the empathy required to connect with the deepest parts of ourselves, with others and all living things, including our wonderful planet.

Joanna Macy, Buddhist practitioner, author and eco-activist speaks of embracing suffering (ourselves and others) from a place of compassion in Despair and Personal Power in the Nuclear Age.  She wisely states that "feeling our own despair and fear [is] the key to loving, to hoping, and to acting.  But this ability runs against the dominant [global] preoccupation with  success in which all pain is viewed as dysfunctional."

I would extend this philosophy to many New Age dictums about how we should perceive our lives and describe our experiences, shying away from expressions of anger, grief, ennui and only allowing ourselves to feel and express joy, love and passion.  Although these are, without a doubt, powerful experiences of being, denying the totality of our human experience prevents us from fully acknowledging and accepting responsibility for the impact of our thoughts, words and deeds on everyone and everything that co-exists in the web of life.

In reflecting on her experience of her culture, Joanna continues.  “We lack the mirrors that tell us the truth about our lives [in the shadow of a] sanguine confidence in the future that is the hallmark of the American character and a source of national pride.”  If we dare to “[admit] that we know fear and pain, [it] can appear to be a failure of maintaining stamina and even competence” and more frighteningly in the global psyche, an admission of vulnerability which is perceived as a weakness that deserves to be preyed upon.

The many years that I spent denying the truth of what I was feeling did me more harm than good.  And without awareness of my actual experience, I could not recognize what the people and world around me was trying to mirror to me.  I could not, like the mythical undead, see myself in the mirror…and so a life of passionate fulfillment was not available to me…nor was authentic connection with other living things.

The refusal to acknowledge pain and suffering as our own and as impacting all other living things is akin to refusing to look at the little man behind the curtain or to being able to see that the emperor truly has no clothes.  This lack of vision and awareness then allows suffering to continue in the world as we distract ourselves with technology and with doing more and having more.

It takes almost super-human courage (at least it felt that way to me at first) to be willing to acknowledge our own suffering because at the moment we agree to do so, we open Pandora’s box and we begin to actually feel our pain.  What most people forget is that at the bottom of the box was Hope…and without Hope, we risk being trapped in the hamster wheel of fear and despair.  When we allow Hope to co-exist with our pain, we give ourselves the energy (even if it’s only the size of a ‘mustard seed’) and willingness to move through our suffering and onto self-actualization.

I close with another quote from Rita Nakashima Brock in her article “On Mirrors, Mists, and Murmurs” from the anthology Weaving the Visions: New Patterns in Feminist Spirituality by Judith Plaskow and Carol P. Christ.

“To allow ourselves to suffer means risking feeling stupid, guilty, unpatriotic, doubtful, powerless, panicky, too emotional, or a failure.  We can be accused of provoking disaster or causing others distress, but to deny our own suffering and the suffering of others leads us, according to Macy, to live an alienated double life haunted by self-doubt, to hedonistic or compulsive displacement activity, to passivity, to the psychological projection of our pain, to destructive behaviours, to burnout, to intellectual apathy and to the ability to receive painful information…often immobilized by the fear of moving through that pain.  But to be healed [and to support others in their healing] we must be willing to suffer.”

My biggest fear when I began to travel down this path of awareness and ultimate integration was that my suffering would become my primary default setting and that I would never enjoy life again.  Ironically, I wasn’t really enjoying life and embracing my capacity for and experience of suffering brought incredible colour and depth to my life, making it more real than it had been since I was a little child.  In fact children are the greatest teachers in this regard...they can move through suffering to joy within minutes and continue to live a life that is not weighed down by 'shoulds' or 

Perhaps the vibrant colours of the fall have inspired me to reflect on this journey and to share these thoughts with any who happen upon them.  Be that as it may, my prayer for me, for you and all living things is that we may become empowered to stand up for ourselves and each other as fully actualized beings and co-create a world in which, through partnership and mutual fulfillment, we can live lives that are fully and completely whole.

Blessed Be. 

Often, when my husband looks at me and says “You are beautiful”, my inner critic immediately places conditions on that observation by telling me that he is seeing me through the filter of his love for me.  Rarely do I feel validated because my deepest fear, cultivated by years of being exposed to cultural messages and familial fractures that tell me otherwise, is that I am not beautiful, physically or otherwise. 

I am nearing 50 years on this planet and it hasn’t been until the last couple of years that I have had the courage to ask myself in these situations “Who says?”  What gives any group that is in a position of power in a culture or society the right to define or create truths that must be internalized and accepted by everyone?  Whether it is a matter of spirituality, physical beauty or intellect, each individual has the right to determine what is true for them…and the right to declare truths that are life-affirming and self-loving.

Self-loving does not, and never did, mean believing that one person is better than another.  Self-loving thoughts, words and actions are those that express a deep acceptance of the entirety of who one is and a belief that one is a valuable human being, deserving of unconditional love.

Unconditional love allows us to be who we are; however, it does not condone thoughts, words or deeds that are harmful to others.  I.E., unconditional love acknowledges that each and every one of us has the right to be self-determining individuals and, by being so, that we also accept responsibility for our innate power and the things we think, speak and do…and making choices that are not harmful to ourselves or others.

This doesn’t mean that our choices will always be well received by others.  Sometimes what is right for one person is not right for another.  This delicate balance can be honoured if each of us understands that living a life that is true to us does not automatically give us the right to assume it is right for another nor to impose our truths on others.  This also doesn’t mean that what is true for us is not shared by others…this is how families, tribes, communities and cultures are created and can co-exist…when they have shared values and ethics.

And lastly (at least for the moment), although each individual, community, and culture has the right to live their truths, when their truths are harmful to others, then each and every one of us has the right to expose those harming beliefs, words and deeds for what they are - purposeful means of controlling or manipulating a vulnerable individual or group of individuals so that the dominant group can maintain its position of power.

On Feb 14th, women and men are being called to action in a global happening called “One Billion Rising”.  Through the expressive and compelling act of dancing and authentic and heart-felt movement, all of us are being given an opportunity to ask “Who says that violence against any vulnerable being is okay?”  We’re being called to express that violence against any vulnerable being (women, children, animals, the planet) is not only NOT OKAY but that it will NO LONGER BE TOLERATED.   We are being called to take a stand, rise up, and speak our truth. 

In a world that for thousands of years has socialized us to believe that violence is ‘normal’ and that it is the default setting for humans, this will be received in a variety of ways:  agreement, denial, or resistance.  We are being called to point to the elephant in the room or reveal the man behind the curtain and say NO MORE.  Let us join our voices, our bodies, our souls to create a reality and a world where all beings have the right to be safe, respected and unconditionally loved…where violence against vulnerable beings is an aberration and not the culturally, socialized norm.   

You can locate a One Billion Rising event in your locale by visiting the following website:  www.onebillionrising.org and dance like you’ve never danced before!