I've been thinking alot lately about the process of change and how interesting it is to be, in Jana Stanfield's words "between the no longer and the not yet". We live in a culture of "Just Do It" and so to be in a place where the old no longer seems to fit as well but the new is yet to be determined can be a little discombobulating.  I suspect if I simply paid attention to nature, I might receive some clues about how to navigate through this part of my journey with some grace. 

"No Fixing Required"
(January 2011)

I am a self-professed book hog. I have been reading ever since I can remember and have cultivated the habit of having multiple books on the go. I don't know that I recommend this style of reading much as it means that I have many unfinished books hanging around the house. However, many of the books I read are the kind that you can pick up and carry on with several days and even months after leaving it without getting too lost.One of the many books I have on the go is actually a daily affirmations-type book...so I guess this one doesn't really count as it's the type you can open up on any given day and benefit from the perfectly timed message presented there. This little gem is Judith Lasater's "A Year of Living Your Yoga". And the message I opened up to is "We spend too much time trying to fix everything".

“Before God was a man, God was a woman”…thus spake Barbara Walker. In all likelihood God/Goddess is neither a man nor a woman, and perhaps not even a homogenous combination of the two? More plausible is the fact that humans have created an image of a God/Goddess that is a projection of themselves…and since men have been in a position of power for thousands of years, God has been defined in masculine terms…for men…and for everyone else. However, before God was referred to asHe, before the Trinity was the Father, Son and Holy Ghost, the essence of Spirit was referred to as She and the Trinity was represented by the Virgin, Mother and Crone, representing birth, life and death…natural cycles in a natural world. 

In the ‘beginning’(and for about 2 billion years) there was the womb-like environment of the Earth’s oceans. Eventually the ocean was replaced by the female body – another protective/nourishing environment filled with amniotic fluids and also affected by the lunar-tidal rhythms. Life as we knew it (more appropriately, long before we ‘knew’ it), transitioned from ether, to air, to water, to fire and eventually to earthly matter in a purposeful way. It’s important to note that the word ‘matter’ derives from the Latin word ‘mater’ = mother)…and so matter/mother really does ‘matter’. The ‘penis’ entered into the evolutionary cycle about 200 million years ago to initiate ‘land’ reproduction. And so, we learn that the creation of life initiates as a female process in which the male (created by the female) performs specific tasks related to species production and evolution…very necessary steps in the development of all species, not just the human race. 

In 1951, medical scientists discovered that all mammalian embryo’s are originally anatomically female during the early stages invitro. However, this fact was buried in medical literature until it was re-discovered in 1961 by Mary Jane Sherfey. Of even greater importance was the discovery that the clitoris and the penis are essentially the same organ as they are formed from the same tissue. All fetal development initiates as ‘female’, is inherent in all mammals and is the primary pattern without any hormonal influence. In other words, maleness amongst mammals is not a primary state…but rather is a ‘derivation from the primary female pattern’. I don’t know about you but I don’t remember being taught this in school. Sure, we learned about X and Y chromosomes but the fact that everyone starts off as female, until hormonal deviation takes place, was not clarified. Not surprising, considering most of us were told that ‘Man’ was made in the image of God…and then Eve came along and screwed everything up by disobeying her ‘Lord’ and eating that damn apple (or fig, really). 

Over thousands of years, the repression, denigration and abuse of the female have underscored the following assumptions:

• The world was created by a male God
• Existing world cultures were made by and for men, with God’s approval
• Females have one function - to propagate the species
• Female sexuality poses a threat to world orders – it must be controlled and repressed

We’ve learned, however, that in pre-historic societies women were the primary food-gatherers, as determined by the discovery of ‘digging sticks’, while men hunted larger game. Women were also the first users and domesticators of fire, the first potters, weavers, textile-dyers, tanners, the first drummers, the first to gather and study medicinal plants, the first shamans/ healers/ doctors, the creators of the first formal calendars (based on women’s lunar markings on pebbles and sticks). According to Monica Sjoo and Barbara Mor (authors of “The Great Cosmic Mother”), in the minds and hearts of our earliest ancestors, “God was female for at least the first 200,000 years of human life on earth”. Female religious images originated, at least to the degree that we know, from the nomadic Cro-Magnon people of the Upper Paleolithic period in Ice Age Europe (circa 30,000 BC) and down through the Mesolithic and Neolithic periods in the Near East (circa 10,000 – 4500 BC). In fact, the only image of ‘God’ or ‘Spirit’ that was ever painted on rocks, carved in stone, or sculpted from clay over a period of 30,000 years or more, was the image of the human female. 

Images during the Paleolithic period depict the cave as a female womb, the mother as a pregnant earth, the fertile female as mother of all living things. (Even now, in Christianity, the birth of Jesus is depicted in a cavern-like shelter, born of the Virgin Mary, Christianity’s negligible nod to Goddess spirituality.)The first female Goddess images discovered through archeological digs are referred to as the ‘Venuses’, dating back as far as 35,000 BC, or the Upper Paleolithic era. Approximately 30,000 sculptures of clay, marble, bone, copper or gold have been excavated from over 3000 archeological sites across more than 1000 miles throughout Western France to central Siberia, representing a wide-spread worship of the Goddess. Early male archeologists interpreted these figures to be sexual objects made by men for men; however, wider study has revised that interpretation and describes them as the ‘Mother Guardians of daily life, death and rebirth’. One of the most famous figurines is called the Venus of Willendorf (circa 25,000 BC), carved out of limestone and unearthed in Austria. In the Neolithic period, between approximately 8000 – 4500 BC, our ancestors started to settle down in agricultural villages, creating more permanent homes. Goddess figurines from this time have been found in Eastern Europe, Southern Turkey, Egypt, Palestine, Mesopotamia and the Indus Valley of India. Evaluations of archeological digs strongly suggest that these cultures were peaceful and egalitarian in nature…no weapons have been discovered from this era, nor were villages fortified with defensive walls. 

Pre-historic, or Herstoric cultures saw the Earth as the source of all nourishment, protection, power and the source of the mystery of the cycles of life. Human females were seen as performing the same functions. As such, paintings of mothers giving birth are found in countless Cro-Magnon caves, attesting to the fact that they saw this as a powerful and spiritual event. The fertility of the Earth and women was seen as magical and celebrated every year to ensure continuation of abundance of game and fruit, or food. In Herstoric societies, the structure was matrifocal or matrilinear where there was a cultural distinction between the biological father and the social father, who was often a male relative, like the mother’s brother…there was never any question who the mother was and so identity and inheritance was passed along through the female bloodlines. The role of the father was deemed a social role and he had to ‘earn’ the children’s respect and affection…it was not his ‘right’. His role was to protect and cherish the children and not to see them as ‘property’. It’s important to note here that a matrifocal/matrilinear society is not the same as a ‘matriarchal’ society. Matriarchal means that there is a hierarchy at the top of which women rule over all others (as we see in patriarchal societies around the world today). In matrifocal/matrilinear societies, there was very little socio-economic distinction amongst the members of the community – all lived equally well and had equal access to food, water, living quarters, etc. In Herstoric cultures, female wisdom and authority were valued, the community was responsible for the mentoring and development of the children, the focus of the matrilinear society was on maintenance and sustenance, rather than exploitation and consumption. 

As source energy, the Goddess lives in all of us, female and male alike. The manifestation of her is symbolized by the numerous deities in countless cultures around the planet. And so, the Goddess is known by many names, such as (and this is by no means an exhaustive list): 

• In Egypt: Hathor, Isis, Sekhmet
• In Sumerian, Syro-Palestinian and Cypriot cultures: Inanna, Ishtar, Astarte, Astoreth, Anat, Aphrodite
• In Anatolia, Asia Minor, Crete, Greece and Rome: Cybele, Rhea, Demeter, Artemis, Ariadne, Persephone.

The Goddess represents all that can be in the world: love, nurturance, sustainability, partnership, compassion, strength, vulnerability, tolerance, forgiveness. The extent to which we do not honour these traits is demonstrated in the state of the world today. The degree to which we begin to honour these qualities will determine the health of the world tomorrow. For many years, human kind has focused solely on the masculine…now is the time to cultivate balance by educating people about the ancient wisdom of the feminine, as represented by the Goddess. I invite you to learn more, spread the word and spend time cultivating a harmonious union between your inner Goddess and God…and observe the miracles that take place in your life and in the world around you. Blessings to you.

It is not uncommon – in the realm of women’s rights – to hear women speak about wanting to be treated equally to men; and in theory, rightly so. However, when we say we want to be treated equally to men, we often end up acting like men in order to succeed in a culture designed by men, for men. We tend to shy away from showing up as women with our feminine principles in hand because feminine principles are not valued in our patriarchal, hierarchal culture. I spent twenty years in the corporate world trying to succeed in an infrastructure that dismissed feminine qualities as insubstantial, ineffectual and undesirable. And, as a woman immersed in that culture and in a patriarchal society since birth, I bought into the preference over masculine values wholeheartedly. Or at least, whole mindedly. My heart was never really in it. Ultimately, at both a conscious and unconscious level, I spent many years rejecting my feminine qualities for the more acceptable masculine qualities as a means of succeeding in all areas of my life, at a cost to my physical, emotional and mental well-being . 

In my personal healing journey I’ve started to uncover some interesting things about what I believe at the unconscious level. I’ve realized that childhood limiting scripts were motivating my choices in life and that most of my scripts involved the rejection of my feminine. Most of my actions have been a manifestation of my denial of my feminine side as something ‘weak’, second-rate, something to be ashamed of. In fact, I believed at a very young age that to be female was unsafe and so I spent many years embracing my masculine while hiding my feminine as a way of keeping myself safe from harm and in control of my life. Yeah, I know, it hasn’t worked out very well. 

In about 2005, I started to read about pre-historic cultures to try and better understand why feminine principles are not valued in today’s culture here and in other cultures around the world. I’m beginning to realize that it wasn’t always this way. It seems that the almost wholesale rejection of the feminine for over 6,000 years is primarily a projection of a fear of the power and wisdom of the feminine. And this rejection is not solely expressed or practiced by men. Many women also reject the very things we consciously or unconsciously want to be valued for. The power of the feminine, however, is not about power over, but rather power within; empowerment of the individual. I’ve started learning more about Goddess cultures and am so impassioned about this that I feel compelled to share it with others because I believe that the healing of humanity and the earth is dependent on a healthy and sacred union of the feminine and the masculine. But this sacred union is only possible after we learn to re-value the principles of the feminine within women and men equally. Once we honor the Goddess within each and every one of us, then we can bring about the sacred union of the Goddess and the God, and ultimately, the healing of the planet. This sacred union needs to happen within each of us and externally in the world between women and men, men and men, women and women, and I’m including children here as well. 

Although women desire to have the same inalienable rights as men, many of us do not value the feminine within ourselves. And so I ask you, if we can’t honor the feminine in our inner world, how can we expect to experience any honoring of the feminine in our outer world? As within; so without. It is absolutely right to expect to be valued for what we have to offer as women; to have the principles of the feminine honored and respected equally to the principles of the masculine. But we, as women, as the physical manifestation of the feminine energy, have to buy into that first. It’s essential that we honor our inner feminine as much as we honor our inner masculine so that we can manifest balance in the world. I think it’s important to state here that I’m not advocating that we replace masculine values with the feminine…that’s just the other end of the scale and, in the long run, still results in an imbalance. 

So why would we reject the very thing that we’ve been fighting for? Good question. I was listening to the program, “Ideas,” on CBC Radio 2 a couple of weeks ago and they were covering a grass-roots aboriginal theatre movement in both Canada and Australia. It was heartwarming and empowering to hear the women founders discussing the challenges and successes of their respective groups and how women play a fundamental role in these groups. I found it ironic, however, when one of the women being interviewed recounted a conversation she had had with a man who is passionately involved in the organization and whom she had referred to as a token female. She felt compelled to apologize for referring to him as female; however, his response was that he took it as a compliment. The fact that she felt she had to apologize for comparing him to a female underscored for me the very thing that I am starting to realize within myself; that in our deep unconsciousness many women believe that to be female is to be second rate because we’ve been learning this since the day we were born. If you’re a Christian, you’ve possibly heard or even read the story of Genesis and are told that Eve (woman) is responsible for the downfall of Adam (man) and that she is the creator of original sin. This is a difficult script to rewrite but it’s one that we must reprogram in order to experience our greatness in the world. Just for interest’s sake, Adam has its origin in an ancient word used to describe both ‘menses’ and the earth, both of which nurture and create life – but I digress. 

Reprogramming is sometimes easier said than done; however, it is possible. In my own personal healing journey, I’ve started to access feminine qualities that I have rejected for many years. I’ve started to make friends with my nurturing side, my compassionate nature, my ability to look within as a means to see clearly without. I’ve begun to explore authentic movement as a way “to love the skin that I’m in,” and to embrace the body as a manifestation of our spirit. I’ve also started to allow my inner female to feel anger and to express it and be empowered by that energy rather than feel like a bad girl for not being all “sugar and spice.” Probably the most difficult part of the journey for me has been to allow myself to feel and express grief. This part of the journey, thus far, has possibly had the most impact. I've begun to learn that the seemingly bottomless pit of grief is filled not only with the grief I experienced in my life, but never let myself feel or express but also the grief of 'woman kind', experienced over thousands of years of demoralizing, abusing, invalidating...not only women but the planet as a whole...and this grief is deeply embedded in our very DNA. 

It feels like I’ve got a long way to go to fully heal this battered relationship but I’ve also started to accept that I don’t have to do it alone. Our patriarchal culture is based on hierarchy and, so, separation. However, in pre-historic societies, in the realm of “herstory,” Goddess-centered societies were communal, based on “kinship” rather than “kingship.” When one individual was in crisis, it was the concern of the community at large and everyone worked together to help that individual for they understood that “all is one.” Matriarchal societies were not based on a structure of hierarchy but on equal respect of women, men, children, animals, and the earth. There was a knowing, passed on by the wisdom of the elders, that we are all connected in this web of life. 

I believe that women will be the primary healers of the human race, but before we take on the task of saving the world (yikes!), we need to heal ourselves first. I encourage every woman (and man) to take the time to evaluate their relationship with their inner female. Take some time to write down all of the qualities of the feminine and how they do or don’t show up in your life. Be as honest as you can with yourself regarding how you really perceive these qualities and why. As an example, for many years I rejected crying as I saw it as a sign of weakness. So much so, that I would not allow myself to cry even in the privacy of my own home with only my cats as witness to the event. I have swallowed many tears over the past 41 years and only now have I started to find the courage to cry when I feel like crying. 

Dr. Christine Northrup talks about the effects of stuffing emotional responses into the body. She calls this blocked energy “illness in incubation.” Whatever we deny within ourselves, whatever we relegate to the shadows, shows up in our lives somehow; illness within the body or within our social constructs. And so I ask you – what are you hiding in the basement of your unconscious mind? How is that being projected or mirrored in your life and, on a larger scale, in the world around you? Above all, I invite you to embrace the qualities of the feminine within yourself, both the gentle and the fierce. 

Before God was a man, God was a woman and the Goddess was honored by all as the giver, sustainer and destroyer of life; the natural cycle of birth-life-death that we see exemplified on this beautiful planet every day. It’s time that the old values of suppression and superiority are transformed into a new world vision that begins within each and every one of us. Once we can honor the feminine within, we can celebrate the sacred marriage between the Goddess and the God and create a future that nurtures and takes action equally. 

Recommended Reading:  (not an exhaustive list...there are thousands of great books out there!)

• “The Women’s Encyclopedia of Myths and Secrets” by Barbara Walker
• “Shakti Woman: Feeling Our Fire, Healing Our World – The New Female Shamanism” by Vicki Noble
• “The Dance of the Dissident Daughter: A Woman’s Journey From Christian Tradition to the Sacred Feminine” by Sue Monk Kidd
• "Waking the Global Heart: Humanity’s Rite of Passage From the Love of Power to The Power of Love” by Anodea Judith
• "The Fabric of the Future: Women Visionaries Illuminate The Path to Tomorrow” edited by M.J. Ryan
• "When the Drummers Were Women" by Layne Redmond
• "Circle of Stones:  Woman's Journey to Herself" by Judith Duerk
• "Healing Through the Dark Emotions:  The wisdom of grief, fear and despair" by Miriam Greenspan
• "Women Who Run With the Wolves" by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D.
• "When God Was a Woman" by Merlin Stone
• "The Beauty Myth" by Naomi Wolf
• "The Chalice & The Blade:  Our History, Our Future" by Riane Eisler
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